After reviewing the definitions of optimism vs. pessimism according to Wikipedia, I feel there must be another definition for those of us on the fence. The glass is half full if you've just finished pouring. It's half empty if you're reaching for it to take a drink.

My current life seems miserable, but luxurious compared to most of the rest of the world. Frustation is building with every day. I'm losing control of my life, of myself, but not my future. My future appears bright, but dredging through the sludge to get there seems never-ending. I feel that with every step forward, I am dragged back a half, a whole, more than one step back. I can't tell if I'm making any headway at all. Today seems like one of those days I'm going backward. For every mess I clean, I find two more that need done.

I want to be more optimistic. I have a book on tape (actually mp3) on how to be more optimistic. It tells me to do this exercise where I write down all my negative thoughts on one side of the paper and then to replace those thoughts with positive ones on the right. I'm not quite sure what this means. If I write on the left side that someone I know is an asshole, would the thought on the right....with his current lifestyle, he'll soon be dead - hang in there, be positive or negative? I guess, "hang in there, it'll be over soon" would be more appropriate.

When I was young, my mom embarrased me sometimes because she was so outgoing and didn't care what other people thought about her. Now I only wish I could have been more like her when I was young.

As I grew up, I embarrased myself by always sticking my foot in my mouth (I still do). Also, because of the really bad choices I made. Those choices made when people I knew weren't looking. The thing I didn't think about was that I knew and I would never be able to forget those choices.

Now my daughter embarrases me. It's not her fault though. It's mine. I'm a horrible parent. I should have never become a parent. I hate parenting. I don't recommend it for anyone. Especially for those with stomach problems. There's no faster way to agrivating that ulcer than dealing with kids.